Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Well, I can report that giving yourself a shot is not as bad as it could be. I'm not saying it's a good time, but it's not going to earn me any hardship points. Actually, much worse than the act itself is the stress of fretting and anticipating and dreading the act. It's hard to parse out what part of the physical reaction surrounding the shots is MS, what part is side effects, and what part is unadulterated "'hold it like a pencil and plunge it into my leg like a dart'? are you insane?"-ness. Disassociation is your friend. That and setting out the syringe before you go to work, so that when you get home at 8 or 9, you don't then have to wait 4 hours for the medicine to reach room temperature while you pretend to do a jigsaw puzzle. That's the longest 4 hours of your young adult life, in case you were wondering.

3 times a week for the rest of my life. Flu-like side effects should be temporary, they tell me. A few months at most.

Two things I hate about this:

1. It's so wasteful. 3 syringes a week plus all the packaging is a lot of plastic; seems like there ought to be some way to recycle it.

2. It's a great invitation to self-pity. One which I fairly readily accepted. I don't want to talk about it, but I REALLY want to talk about it, and so I end up just not talking to anyone at all. About anything.

Anyways, I'm working on #2. As for #1... maybe I'll write some letters.


jonmatthew said...

You may be pretending, but it looks to me like your doing pretty good on the puzzle. I know what you meant, though. Sorry you have to mess with this, but I am glad it is at least an option.

"I don't want to talk about it, but I REALLY want to talk about it, and so I end up just not talking to anyone at all. About anything."

I have never heard this feeling put into words before, but I have felt it myself at different times. I'll be praying for you. Thanks for sharing.

dandelion feet said...

i have no idea whether this is appropriate for the situation, but i am extremely proud of you.

think of how strange it will be when these shots become second nature. also, i can't believe somebody didn't help you with the first one. aren't there doctors who are supposed to do that? even in japan?

Anonymous said...

Aren't you talking to us now, after a fashion. Thank you for doing this blog.

Geraldine said...

I hope it helps soon. I think about you often...every day actually. I look forward to seeing you here! I gave mother her shot once with no training, just her telling me how to do it. I think she got two a day. I guess it's in the 'consider the alternative' category. I also hope you can talk all you want when you are 'home' with us.

I love you.

Jason said...

Can I recommend "The Sacred Canopy: Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion" (1967) by Berger? Classic.