Saturday, November 05, 2011

Good Afternoon, Class

"Thank you all so much for joining us for our annual American History Course here at the Consulate. All of the instructors are diplomats who, after having their arms vigorously twisted out of their sockets, have generously offered their time to teach you. I'd like to begin with my lecture 'The Evolution of American History'. Basically, all of evolution was a prelude to the formation of America, at which point God rested. Are there any questions?"

"Yes, why does America hate Pakistan?"

"That's a great question. Hating Pakistan was one of our founding principles -- if you flip over the Declaration of Independence, you'll see that Jefferson made a note on the back instructing us to steal Pakistan's nuclear weapons. As the Declaration predated both the formation of Pakistan and the discovery of nuclear power by over one hundred years, we believe this demonstrates the incredible foresight of our country's founders."

"On your timeline, before 'Americans invent democracy', you have written 'dinosaurs'. What's the connection between dinosaurs and September 11th?"

"Dinosaurs were the original victims of the 9/11 attacks, which is why you don't see any today. Some people theorize that dinosaurs actually initiated and carried out the attacks themselves in order to later star in Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park. That is ridiculous."

"May I ask a question?"

"Certainly."

"Your hair looks like Barbie's."

"Thank you. I believe that concludes our session for this afternoon."

7 comments:

Gdine said...

So....the isolation over there is not getting to you at all, is it?! And your presentation is so factual and politically correct! You make me so proud. 8^)

I LOVE you!!!
Mwah!

Katie said...

When your mom is the only person who comments on your blog posts, you know your isolation is complete.

Though of course I love you, too.

David said...

Katie: This is my first time commenting but i've followed your blog since the beginning, which was a few months before i joined the Foreign Service. I think your blog is the cleverest commentary on our profession available on the web, and I always look forward to reading new posts. This one is especially poignant.

Katie said...

David, I'm glad that you enjoy reading it; I've had a good time writing it. We really did host an American History Course and the students really did make a point of telling my my hair looked like something Mattel manufactured. The rest of it I'll leave to your imagination.

Brooke said...

This made me smile.

Other things on your blog that make me smile: Moth (love, love, love) and Radiolab. Did you hear the one about symmetry? Fascinating.

Katie said...

Agreed, everything Radiolab does is quality.

Joy from upstairs said...

I don't think your hair looks like Barbie's -- your a REAL blonde! :-)