Sunday, October 19, 2014

An Open Letter to the Random Omani Man Who Tried to Tempt Me into Illicit Relations by Showing Me Pictures of His Goats

Dear Random Omani Man:

First, I want to thank you for your interest.  It's not everyday that an aging Western spinster finds herself subject to the attention of a successful host country national such as yourself.  I was impressed not only by the quantity of your goats, but also by their obvious quality.  As you noted, the one with the white forelock was especially fine and -- I might add -- well photographed.  Clearly you know your way around an iPhone as well as a goat pen.  You must be considered quite the catch in your village, especially if -- as you indicated -- you also have a cozy seating area in which one might partake of shisha and "tea."

Perhaps it was absorption in the photos that led you to draw next to me so uncomfortably closely while showing them, which I could understand given the subject matter and our intimate open air setting.  However, try as I might, I really can't find any reason for you to have touched my knee -- twice -- to bring my attention to the various proffered pictures.  Did you think my blonde coloring meant I was some floozy who would welcome your bold advances?  Did you assume my wearing of three-quarter length sleeves indicated a certain looseness?  Well, not so, sir.  I'm afraid real life is not like in the movies where women fall all over a man at the mention of 'Long Haired Merino' and illegally procured liquor; I apologize if Hollywood led you astray.  If it is any comfort, you are not the first to have been taken in by such false narratives.

In sum, call me when you get a camel.  Until then, I ask you to keep your wandering hands off my knees.

All the best,


4 comments: said...

I love this :)

The New Diplomats Wife said...

love it. also, i have had offers of camels before so this really helps to put this into perspective.

Todd said...

Katie your blog is absolutely hilarious! I'm a prospective FSO, biding my time on two registers. My family and I are all still tentative on the big decision whether to uproot everything and accept that life-changing A100 offer when it eventually comes. I've been eagerly devouring all the blogs (and books) I can find to get real-world perspective on the lifestyle. I have to say your blog is one of the best and definitely the most fun to read. Thanks for all your honesty, wit, and insight. Good luck out there!

Katie said...

Thanks for your note, Todd -- I have a lot of fun writing the blog, and I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I hope you and your family come to a happy conclusion on the Foreign Service. Good luck to you as well!