Thursday, November 26, 2015

لا أفهم الفرنسية

You are a waiter.  Your customer is a blonde, blue-eyed foreigner.  She says to you -- in Arabic -- "I don't speak French."  You:
a) switch to German -- it's only logical
b) persist in French -- she'll probably pick it up in time to read the menu and place an order
c) give an exaggerated smile and back away slowly
d) TALK. LOUDER.

You are a taxi driver.  Your passenger is a blonde, blue-eyed foreigner.  She says to you -- in Arabic -- "I don't speak French."  You:
a) turn up the radio
b) double the fare
c) phone a friend
d) assist her in putting on her seatbelt, finding her wallet, reaching for her umbrella -- she probably needs help, poor ignorant thing.  And if that means your hands keep side swiping her breasts, well, that's hardly your fault, is it?

You are a teller.  The person checking out is a blonde, blue-eyed foreigner.  She says to you -- in Arabic -- "I don't speak French."  You:
a) fold your hands in disgust.  This transaction is over.
b) carry on with your rote French-language dialogue, because it is impossible to skip the step in your programming where you determine whether or not she has a loyalty card
c) judge her angrily for trying to give you money
d) reflect on why your country's service economy is faltering

You are a blonde, blue-eyed foreigner.  You spend most of your day saying -- in Arabic -- "I don't speak French."  You:
a) take a week off work and spend the time in private tutoring to plump up your Arabic reading skills
b) lobby the Department to next teach you COBOL
c) decide to speak exclusively to host country nationals in Japanese -- more fun, and just as effective
d) wipe the croissant crumbs off the lip of your espresso cup and take the good with the bad